Tag: Relationships


Sep
2011

No Longer Dead

categories: Boundaries, Courage, Healing, Hope, Trust, truth

I recently received this letter from a woman I know very well. Though her comments are raw, they are real and what many women experience. She has determined to allow a greater strength than herself to be her power. Her life is changing! I asked her permission to post this writing and she agreed for me to share. I believe others will connect with what she has written. You may even have some words of wisdom to share too!

I’m dead to you. As hard as I try, you constantly negate my feelings. When I attempt to share with you how I feel, you get frustrated. You roll your eyes, you shake your head, you tell me I’m being passive-aggressive. You are always telling me that I’m twisting things around. I’ve shared with you before that I’m afraid to talk with you.
Your solution to the problem “if you are afraid to talk to me, then you should just leave.”
You’ve told me before that this is just a failed experiment.
You’ve shared how unhappy you are. You always think I have something against you. You don’t see me as an equal.
As soon as I started to share with you my frustration with being up all night folding clothes, you responded with “oh, god forbid you fold clothes”
Yes, I walked away at that point. I am tired of being spoken to in that way. I will no longer accept the state of our relationship as it stands now. It is unhealthy for us.  It is unhealthy for our children. I refuse to allow myself or our children to be subject to this kind of life.
At one point, you went for days without talking to me. You were sick, you didn’t sleep.  “All the colors seemed to fade”
Where is that man? Where is the man who was crazy about me?
I  am dead to you.
I refuse to be dead to myself or our children. I will do what is necessary to continue to move forward in my life. I will continue to do what is best for my children.

You do not listen to me. You no longer share joy with me. You no longer wish to be a productive player in this game. You tear me down. You diminish my spirit. You always look for the wrong in what I’ve done. You never give positive feedback. It’s always what I’ve done wrong. Your words are like knives … I will no longer allow them to hit me. Your tongue will cause no more wounds to me. I am bigger. I am stronger.

I will not be broken by you.

You will respect me. You will honor me. You will cherish me. You will encourage me. You will support me. You will love me. You will care about me. You will be excited for me. You will make a real effort to be what you need to be in our relationship.

You will no longer use excuses to get out of dealing with hard issues. You will no longer call me names. You will no longer cut me down. You will no longer cuss at me. You will no longer degrade, berate me. You will no longer get away with making me feel crazy. You will no longer allow me to feel diminished.

You will lift me up. You will cherish what I bring to this family. You will back me up. You will be open to learning new things. You will be open to handling things in a better, healthier way. You will be open to facing your fears. You will be open to facing yourself. You will be open to dealing with your own pain. You will allow me to be there with you. You will allow me to step inside.

You will no longer have a wall up. You will no longer take the wind out of my sails. You will no longer beat me down.

You will be selfless and not the opposite. You will be understanding and not the opposite. You will show me that I am important to your life and your world. You will show our children how a husband should treat his wife. You will break free of your abusive patterns. You will make change. You will change. You will let me walk by your side. You will tell me you’re sorry when you know you’ve hurt me.

You will show me that I am not dead to you. You will not be dead. You will rise above yourself and your hurt and your fears. You will be an example to your children and family. You will be the man you should be for your family.

You will no longer believe I am dead. You will see me as light. You will see me as worthy. You will hurt when you see me hurting. You will make me feel better. You will lift me up. You will encourage without abuse. You will encourage without humiliation. You will encourage without inflicting pain.

You will not break me.

© 2011 Anonymous


Aug
2011

Moving On Up!

categories: Children, Mothers, pieces, Trust

I love my daughters. I feel confident that you love your children too. That’s why I believe you will understand my heart when I share a story with you.

With one daughter already married and on her own, it is sometimes difficult for me to think about my second daughter moving out. After graduating from college last December and accepting her dream job, she is beginning to make plans to move out and set up her own nest and independence. I have wanted this for her since she was born. Throughout her life I loved her and provided for her needs to the best of my ability. My dream was for her to develop into a healthy and whole woman, become independent and able to make wise decisions for her life. She is healthy, whole and a remembers that with each choice, direction determines destination. Now, the time is fast approaching for her to fly and though it is difficult, I want it for her.

After tagging along while she toured three different apartment complexes, I began to feel tension about her leaving home. I saw much of what I know can lead one down the wrong path and I imagine as a young adult it all looks very inviting. I cringe when I think how it could pull her away from all that is  waiting to unfold. I begin to think about the lessons she has learned, the love she was given and about the good people around her in her life as she grew up. I know of  her strong love for and knowledge of  God and I turn to my faith. I know the principles she lives by and am confident she is well prepared, protected and ready to fly.

More than two months have passed since we looked at apartments. I have observed my daughter’s decision-making during this time more closely. I know without a doubt, she will do well on her own. Today, I cleaned out a closet of all her belongings from when she came home from college less than a year ago. I wondered if this would be the last time I would get that opportunity. I sat in the closet floor and tears filled my eyes as my heart took a slow and memorable journey through her scrapbooks and photo albums from youth. As I placed them in the box, I thought about how much her plans to fly the coop have caused significant growth in me. This season of life has shown me that without a conscious awareness, I readied for the next season of my life as she set out to leave home. She is following her life dream , the one since she could walk and talk; I am following my life dream, discovered only a few years ago. Together, step by step, we are walking into our destinies. I am not certain what it will all look like, but this one thing I do know— we are each moving on up!


May
2011

My Mom is Love

categories: Children, Creativity, heart, Leadership, Love, Mothers, truth

From my perspective my mother is the most wonderful mother God could have blessed me with. She is a light of love, patient and humble, very wise, industrious and creative. My mom is a woman who speaks the truth in a gentle, yet penetrating way, driving to the very core of my heart. My mom is simple at heart, yet there is a unique beauty in her, a magnificent beauty that reflects into others lives. She is a jewel that stands out in the crowd. Her eyes are blue, full of light and depth. Her smile invites acceptance and her heart steers one to live life to the fullest. My mom is love.

When I was a teenager, I did not think this much of my mom’s guidance. I thought I knew all the answers and that I knew far better for my life than she could know. Oddly, during all those years, when anyone said anything against my mom, I quickly came to her defense. The experiences in my life of my mom speaking truth to me were not easy and as a teenager caused me to sometimes resent her. Those resentments and pains turned into an understanding that although I was wrong in some things, my mom loved me enough to tell me the truth about myself, which spurred me into a deeper relationship with God and her.

Once I recognized that my mother had my best interest in her heart I saw things in a different way. I began to mature and recognize that my thinking had changed and I longed for more of the wisdom my mother offered. She is a woman who allowed me to live out my life and learn from whatever mistakes I would make. She came through life in the same way. If I had not had the mother God so carefully chose for me, I would never have received the love, encouragement and lessons only she could give.  I became the woman I am because of my mother’s gifts of love and truth.

I am thankful I woke up and put away childish thinking while realizing what an absolute blessing my mom is to all of my sisters, my daughters, my grandchildren and me. Without her guidance, acceptance and love we would not have sought the love that was sitting in the palm of our hands, even though we could not see it.

Thank you mom for guiding me, for believing in me and mostly for loving me! I am grateful you are the mother God chose for me! I love you!

  • Comments Off on My Mom is Love

Apr
2011

One Heart. One Mind. One Love.

categories: Blogging, Love, Relationships, Trust, truth

What do you think of when you think of One heart, One mind, and One love?  It makes me think of how much we have in common as human beings and don’t even realize it. I believe we all are running after the same thing more than anything.  What is it we want more than anything? What is it we chase after in life? What is it that is going to bring us contentment and peace above all else?

From my perspective, it is love. Like you, I want a love that comes from a place of sincerity and truth. I want love from a heart that accepts me. I want it from a heart that honors me. I want love from one who knows the True love. (more…)


Jul
2010

Thankfulness

categories: QUIET TIME, Thankfulness

 

Thankful for the Journey Ahead

I have been weary lately.  I have begun to feel the hardship of the circumstances around me, yet I know deep in my heart that there is One in me that will not fail me.  Even knowing this I begin to lose the stillness that my soul so thirsts for and I start to see things from a different perspective.  I lose the sense of thankfulness that was so prevalent in my heart, soul and mind as I begin to whine about my circumstances.  I lose touch with what is truly important, not only for my own life but those around me. I begin to think that I have lost the battle and I start floundering as a fish does when out of water.  I lose the precious sense of peace that it was once there and I am left wondering how it has been possible that I have lost what was the cornerstone of my life.

I stop, I let things go, I release whatever is not working in my life to God and allow Him to take control. Slowly I begin to feel a sense of inner peace and I suddenly have more time to dedicate to the things that are genuinely important in this life.  I get back into my quiet time, I am in prayer with the Almighty One and instantly I begin to see Him in my life again. It was never He who left me; it was me that left Him.  I begin to realize how no matter what the circumstances are around my life, He has so strategically planned and designed them all.  Nothing is by coincidence. Everything is in place to prune me, to eliminate the things that no longer are a source of true life and will hinder me from intimately knowing His love.  I begin to see prayers being answered again, I see how people in my life are supposed to be there and I realize without any doubt that each one is placed here for a purpose.  Though I am not God and cannot be one-hundred percent certain of the path I am on, I have great confidence and hope that He is leading me because of seeing His promises and faithfulness come alive in my life and the lives of those I love. I can see my life is different and it is better than it has ever been.

I begin to pray in the back of my mind softly, like a whisper that is ever-present. It is the Spirit of God that lives in me and gives me life. I am so thankful for each of the circumstances.  Though I have walked this earth for more than 50 years, it took me half a century to realize that God loves me infinitely, He has plans for my life and no matter what tries to thwart His plan, He will not allow it. He will consistently bring me back to where He wants me to be!  Yes, it is my choice to surrender all I have and am to Jesus Christ, the Savior and Redeemer of my life, but if I do not choose Him, over time He will allow things in my life to cause me to turn to Him.  This is clear in the way He vengefully pursued me. I lost everything that was important to me and I was left with nothing but God to turn to for comfort and rescue. He brought people into my life each step of the journey before and after He revealed Himself to me. He opens doors and closes doors along the way for me to realize that He is in control of all things. Why shouldn’t He be? He created them all and also each of us.

My prayer today is one of immense gratitude and thankfulness that each and every circumstance in my life has been and is an opportunity for me to love another.  In professing to be so in love with Jesus Christ, I too have a responsibility to Him out of that deep love to love others in the same way I am loved by Him. He is a merciful, forgiving, loving and just God and He wants nothing more than for us to love Him and one another the same.