Helping Women Flourish in Life, Relationships, and Dreams
In the past month, I have been asked by three men to coach them through a difficult time. I have coached only a few men in the past, but I opened the door to the chance to walk beside them to help move forward. I’m glad I did. (more…)
Last August, I attended the “Grand New Day” conference put on by Women of Faith. Steve Arterburn’s sister, Marilyn, spoke about pre-marital counseling. She told an interesting story, which I hope I recall the details of to share with you.
Lester and Lucy were a couple who had recently married and as they were getting all moved in to their new home, Lester commented about all the boxes they each possessed. Lucy asked Lester what was inside of all his boxes and he answered that it was just “stuff.” She said, “Let’s play a game. Let’s open a box and take one piece of “stuff” out of the box and talk about that one piece.” So, Lester agreed and proceeded to open a box taking out a piece of “stuff.”The first piece of stuff was a gift he had received from his mother years ago. He told Lucy all about the conflict in his relationship with his mother, and how at a young age he left home, lied about his age and enrolled in the army. When he was at strongest odds with his mom and away on duty, he met and married a girl from whom he was now divorced. “Oh . . .” Lucy said slowly and surprised. Then Lester wanted Lucy to share a piece of “stuff.” In agreement, she pulled out her piece of “stuff,” which was a photograph of herself and two of her high school friends. She began to tell Lester about the girls. “When I was a girl I got pregnant and my two friends helped me get an abortion . . .” Before she could finish her story, Lester was already backing away from her. He could not believe what he was hearing, “An abortion?”
In the beginning of the story Lester and Lucy were doing pretty well freely giving grace to one another, but when things came out that were shocking to the other, Lester began to back away, just like he had done with his mother and previous wife.
This story can resonate in so many of our own lives. All we need to do is change the names. There are so many wounds that we carry in our own hearts causing us to respond to other people’s heartache from a condemning and judgmental attitude. Somehow we get it into our heads that we are better than the other person. This is a false truth that we are living in. I love the scripture that teaches us to “Take the LOG out of your own eye before you attempt to remove a SPECK from another persons eye.” Those words alone should ring deep within each of our hearts. How many times have you said, “Look at her, thinking she looks so good” or “I can’t believe she is doing that, I would NEVER do that” and then you find yourself two weeks later, doing exactly what you said you would not do!
I am thankful we have a merciful God and He forgives us for the absolute rubbish that comes from our mouths. There was a time in my life where it did not matter what came out of my mouth. I freely spoke, criticized and made fun of people. Praise God that He has a way to tame that little muscle in our mouths training it, through the heart, to speak on things that are pure and lovely and encouraging, trustworthy, noble, uplifting and praiseworthy (see Philippians 4:8).
We read throughout the scriptures, that when Jesus Christ endured the cross and died a sinners death, we were forgiven of our wrongs and trespasses against God. What is it that prevents many from believing God? We are forgiven! It is left in our hands to accept His forgiveness. God will never force that upon us. In the same way that we are forgiven, we are to forgive others. In fact, the scriptures tell us in very specific words, when you forgive another of his wrongs, he is forgiven in the sight of God!
“If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.” 2 Corinthians 2:5-7 (NIV)
Suggested Scripture Reading: Luke 6:42; 2 Corinthians 2:5-7; Matthew 6:12
When I think about Jesus Christ coming to this earth, I am continuously reminded how special each one of us is to Him. Jesus came to earth and died on the cross for us, to give us freedom – LIFE. He did it for one reason, because He loves us! Thank you Jesus! You are unchanging in Love, Truth and Faithfulness for yesterday, today and tomorrow!
I stay in awe that Jesus chose us to die for. I mean, we are people who are running around usually seeking our own pleasure, while sometimes hurting others in the process. But even in our self-way of thinking, Jesus came and died for YOU and ME! That is beautiful love! A love so strong that He laid down His own life and willingly went to the cross. He did not run away or try to escape from the hand of those who would kill him. He willingly went to the cross knowing He would die.
After Jesus died, with the weight of the world upon his shoulders, He was resurrected and ascended into heaven to reign at the throne! He is the High Priest, the One and Only True God who loves us! All come to the Father through Him!
Thank you Jesus for your jealous love of us! The gift of life~only by Jesus Christ!
“For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Peter and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep.” 1 Corinthians 15:3-8
I had been working in the yard for a few hours and decided to take a break and have a tangerine. I love a cold tangerine! I plopped down into a comfy chair on the deck, put my feet up and preceded to to peel the tangerine. I started at the bottom and peeled and peeled and peeled. It takes time as you know. As I was peeling I thought about us – us being me, you, people. I thought about how once we accept Christ He works on us kind of like I am working on this tangerine. He starts with the first layer, the hardest layer. Maybe the layer is anger, abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction, unworthiness, fear, sexual addiction – well there are many more examples but you understand what I am saying. Anyway, it takes time and sometimes the pieces don’t want to come off but he continues to work on us, never leaving, caring and loving. Finally the hard shell is gone but what is that? A softer covering that has to be peeled away and just to tease us we see the wonderful fruit peeking through here and there! So what is all of this? I thought I was doing so well! Is it gossip, white lies, taking something that isn’t mine? I pray for God to help me and He does, He continues to peel and peel and peel. He loves me and shows me that as He tenderly works on me. Suddenly there it is! The fruit, beautiful, colorful, a gift. But what is this – tiny little pieces that didn’t come off. Its ok though because I know God will take care of that too! So that’s what I thought about while I was sitting on the deck having a tangerine!
©2011 Debbie Downs
I can recall the precise moment when I realized how much God loves me. It was the most fulfilling day of my life and the beginning of many more. I recall feeling so empty and alone before I knew His love. My defining moments were at the beginning of a new year and the end of another life.
It was New Year’s Day and I was taking down the Christmas tree ornaments one by one from the tree, singing along with worship music as I was working. I love to sing and though that is not one of my better talents, I was singing out from my heart. I was alone in the house and I had climbed up a ladder to remove some of the ornaments out of my reach. Once I reached the third step of the ladder, something happened inside of me and a flood of emotions and tears began to spill from my heart and eyes. I climbed down the ladder as quickly as possible and sat in a chair. In that very moment, I began desperately calling out to God to help me and save me from my empty heart that was so heavy and broken to pieces. I told Him I couldn’t do this “life thing” alone anymore and that I needed Him to walk with me, to show me how to live and lead me in my life.
I had realized how my life before was so opposed to Him, and how much He must have been hurting as He watched over me all those years, longing for me to come to Him. I am certain He would have said to me how much better my life could be with Him. Not easier, but better and fuller with more meaning and purpose. I had reached a point of realization and recognition of my sinful life; and that no matter what I tried, doing things on my own was no longer working. My life was a complete mess and it was due to me continuously choosing the wrong path without being aware of it. Going through a divorce at the same time confirmed even more that I had not made wise choices for my life. I wasn’t a bad person; at least I didn’t think so.
What I recognized that day was that I did not have the human capacity to choose the right ways or do the best things, no matter how intelligent or analytical I was. I learned that without letting go of the control, and letting God have my life completely, that I would remain in that current state of emptiness. What I realized and had revelation of was that I was God’s child and even more so, that He loved me no matter what I had done. He had sacrificed His own Son’s life so that I could be forgiven. I remember feeling such sorrow for the way I had hurt Him. How could I have done things so opposed to all He represents?
That wasn’t all, I realized through reading His Word that He literally raised His Son, Jesus Christ, from the dead! He brought him back to life and He ascended to heaven after three days to reign at the right hand of God at the throne in heaven! When I looked at my own life, I then realized that He was offering me the same opportunity. I was being offered a chance to put my old life behind me with my sins forgiven and remembered no longer, and to begin to learn about Him and His truth, His love and His justice. Believing this and putting my trust in Him would start a transformation in me that would change everything. I had no clue what was next. There were trials and hardships to overcome, but I knew, that because I was His child, I was an over comer, therefore I sought above all else to press on to know Him deeper. As I grew to know Him deeper I became more like Him, not perfect, no one except Him is perfect, but my life began to change. My perspective changed, my heart began to soften, to heal and to allow Him to fill me up. I began to reach out to be there for other people in need, to put them first, to spend my time on things that were worthy of His honor, not things that were opposed to Him and would wither and die. I am telling you, this God that we have hears us when we call out to Him and He will answer us. It may not be exactly what we want to hear, it may be a no or a wait; but He will answer and He will do what is precisely the very best for us in the exact timing it needs to be done. He knows our hearts better than we know them ourselves. Him doing everything in His timing causes us to learn to depend on Him more and more, deeper and deeper, until that is all we know, a work always in process. Dependency upon Him and time with Him creates a new life from a life that was once dead, but is now raised in Christ as a new creation.
An intimate and personal relationship with Jesus Christ is unlike any other relationship. No matter where you go wrong, no matter what ails you, no matter how much you hurt, He will be there to guide you when you earnestly call out to Him. That is called unconditional love. There is not one human on this earth that can offer that to another in his own strength. Sure we can come close, but we don’t meet the mark because we are human. Why do you think we call the dog man’s best friend? Could it be because a dog cannot talk back or tell us how bad or disappointing we are to them?
God meets us where we are, loves us where we are and begins a work in us from a heart of love that was there at our creation. He is the Truth and He tells it in such a way of grace that we keep running back to Him for more. Why do we keep going back to Him? He designed us to need Him. He is our Creator and He buried deep inside of us an innate desire to know Him and His love. He loved us first! He gave His own Son’s life for us! When we open our hearts to believe that truth, submit our lives to Him and invite Him to be our every thing, we will begin to see what it means to truly be loved and how to love well. It is through His love that loving ourselves and others well happens. I am a living-breathing testament to this truth. I hope you too can be.
I had someone say to me recently, “You are nice to everyone, how do you do that? How can you be nice to the people who have been so hurtful toward you in the past? How do you put the bitterness and anger in its place?” My response was that,” If I continue to hold bitterness and anger in my heart toward others, it only hurts me. It causes me sickness, worry, and heartache. It causes my heart to be hard and empty. I said that I had lived more than half of my life that way and I choose not to live that way anymore. I am free from that now, I will not go back and live in the past.” That was a long way to say, which I should have said in that moment, “How can I be unforgiving to someone and not extend grace to him or her, when I know so deeply the grace which God has freely imparted to me. I desire to live in that grace every moment and I would never choose to go back. God takes care of every injustice, that is His place, not ours.” God is love; when we love others through the filter of our experiences and knowing His truth, we will reflect the love of Him into others hearts!
Through His truth He has promised to protect us, guide us and provide our needs, as well as promising the assurance of reigning with Him eternally in His Kingdom. Do you have that assurance today? Are you in need of a Savior that will love you no matter what you have done? You have one with His hands extended to you right now, inviting you to know Him. When we invite Jesus into our hearts for the strength to be all He wants us to be, we will recognize our wrong ways and turn away from them and as we follow His lead He will make a way!. He will not fail us. He is the God of yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is unchanging. He is truth, love and grace. He is the great I AM!
If you have read this far, perhaps this has touched your heart. God may be pursuing you vehemently. I am praying for you that you will open your heart and let Him in. If you are willing to let go of the control and open your heart to Him, ask Him to take hold of your head, your heart, your eyes and ears, your hands and feet and lead you into all He has for you, to show you the truth and to enable you, by the power of the gift of the Holy Spirit, to persevere, stand firm and become all He desires you to be. Read His Word in the Bible, connect with others who truly love Jesus and share His amazing grace together bringing glory and honor to His name!
I wish you a Happy New Year! I pray that your year is filled with the peace, joy and love, available to us, only through the Son of God, Jesus Christ.