It is so hard with all the responsibilities that we have in our daily lives, especially if we are single mothers, to take time to be still. But if we begin by setting aside 5 minutes daily as a part our routine, to read one verse of Scripture and then close our eyes and listen to our innermost being, we would find that would crave that 5 minutes, because of the benefits it provides. It sets the precedent for our day, intentionally develops a closer relationship with God, and sets the stage for the lives around us. It is much like diet; we discipline ourselves because we know it is good for us, we eat select foods for proper nourishment and we exclude certain foods from our diet because we know they are empty of anything necessary for our healthy development. If we can discipline ourselves in this, it would seem that it would be easy to discipline ourselves in taking 5 minutes to listen to our Creator, and to explore and learn more about who this Being is that loves us so much. But it isn’t easy, and like many things we strive for, we have to demand it of ourselves before we realize the benefit. It is then through the unfolding of your days that you will see the ultimate benefit of your self-discipline. It will be heard through a child’s profession that Christ is her Savior, or through a college student that says, I know God is in control, or maybe it will just be a peace inside of you that you cannot explain. However it is shown to you, you will know and you will desire more and more of it!
Category: Relationships
Happy Anniversary
I have learned so much over these past three years of my new life! I have learned my true value and worth. I have learned that it does not come from men or people at all. Other people come from the same skewed perceptions we come from based on all of their life experiences. I now find my value and worth from a loving, merciful and unending grace-giving God. He loves me as I am, just as I am, yet He loves me enough not to leave me where I am.
Six days ago was the “celebration” of 3 years of being brought home. I returned a broken, lost, desperate and empty person who had no confidence, no self value and no hope who looked to my then-husband and material things to fill the deep chasm which lay inside me. I would ask myself, “What is wrong with me?” Here I was, wealthy beyond any dream, living on the South Sea and I was empty! I had everything one could imagine, yet I had no sense of who I was, and I had no meaningful purpose. Since that day 3 years ago, I have found complete peace. I have had the provision met which was needed in my life and it’s so much more than the eye can see! I have greater joy and purpose – a fulfillment beyond explanation and I’m just thrilled about where I am in the journey of my life, right now, this minute.
God has shown me how special I am to Him and how deeply He loves me. He has brought me out of the depths of the darkness and now His light shines in all the crevices. It has not been a road of easy decisions and although I continue to deal with some of the same circumstances and consequences in my life, I have a new perspective. My days are full of prayer with an attitude of gratitude and recognition of God’s Mighty power in the tiniest of details of my life to the greatest of circumstances in this world.
The very first step in my healing was recognizing our God and His Sovereignty. He is much greater than me and knows infinitely better the heart I have and direction for my life than I know it myself. The opening up of my heart and saying “Okay God, I’m yours, I cannot do this anymore, I just don’t know how, I surrender! I’m sorry for thinking I could do this all without you! I ask for your forgiveness of my sin and the way that I put others first in my life when it should have been you! I am deeply sorry Lord! Please come into my heart and lead me in all I think, say and do.”
This step was the beginning of my journey of intimacy with God. I can’t wait to share with you through future writings the impact of this one step in my life!
“We can never know who or what we are until we know something of what God is – self-existent.” A. W. Tozer
Full Circle
I remember very well the afternoon I met him. I considered myself to be looking pretty good; my hair was freshly washed and smelling great, you know that smell. My makeup was meticulously applied and I felt beautiful. I had been to church earlier that day, so when I received the phone call from my girlfriend to meet her and another friend to sit outside on the patio for lunch at Cabo Wabo’s, I quickly said, “Yes!” I was excited to see her and be out socializing. I’m sure somewhere in my mind I thought I might meet Prince Charming too!
I hurried home to change my clothes and very carefully chose a pair of black shorts and white t-shirt. I also chose a pair of 70’s style open-toe clogs- you know, the ones with the wooden sole. I was pleased with the way I looked, and it showed through the spring in my step.
I jumped in my car with great anticipation of the afternoon to come, without having any idea what would come. After greeting my friends and ordering water, I excused myself to the restroom. I had been observing that most of the girls there were minus an important undergarment, and because of my great need to fit in, what did I do? Yep, I followed and removed mine! Upon exiting from the restroom, I passed by this gorgeous man whom had already caught my attention when I first arrived. He stopped me and asked me my name, told me how beautiful I was and after we flirted for a moment, I excused myself.
The time with my friends was good. We listened to one another’s sagas and tried to resolve world problems. After a fattening lunch of yummy fat french fries and hot wings, we decided to share a pitcher of margaritas. I had never been much of a drinker, so it didn’t take much for the alcohol to begin its affects on me. A mid-afternoon lunch quickly turned into a late evening dance party with the very attractive man. Intoxicated, laughing, dancing and singing felt great and they were a welcome distraction from the life of single mom, career and homeowner responsibilities.
As closing time approached, the gorgeous guy, asked me why someone as beautiful and fun as me was not married. My answer, “Been there, done that, not interested.” From that moment began a two-and-a-half year tumultuous relationship, between a guy that looked great on the outside and a gal that had everything in the right places, but on the inside, both were broken to pieces and on the prowl for someone to love.
As much as I began to care for and love him, my love came from a place of old wounds, which had not healed or had the attention so desperately needed. After a short time, we ended up living together, he moved in with me. His humor and silliness were complimentary to my serious personality. After time, I began to recognize I had made a terrible mistake, I had taken another child to raise in addition to my two daughters, ages six and eleven at the time.
We all went through very tough times. He knew no boundaries and I expected him to be everything and meet every need for my girls and me. Because I was living out of deep wounds from my past and my inability to see my own waywardness, I was restricted from realizing was broken before it ever started. Eventually, the lens we each lived life from took control of us and we parted ways, leaving pieces of our hearts with one another.
Fast forward 13 years, when I returned to the United States from Australia. I was alone, completely broken and in a marriage that was falling apart. I had not seen or spoken with this gorgeous guy other than a time when he tried to get me to meet him out, a few other times when he called to tell me about exciting events in his life and a meeting with him to handle some legal documents! It was now December and thirteen years later while I was convalescing at my mom’s after an emotional crash with a probable divorce on the horizon that he made another appearance in my life.
It was early one morning that he showed up at the door. Mom was still sleeping and I was the only other person there. I opened the door and politely invited him in. He didn’t look at all like I remembered. In fact, after great reflection on this day, I realize it wasn’t him that had changed, it was me. He wanted to be close . . . he was touchy and I was very uncomfortable continuously moving out of his reach. Ten years earlier, I would have jumped at the chance to be with him. That day, I couldn’t wait to get away from him. I took my stand and claimed my boundaries. He reluctantly withdrew and after I strategically moved us outside we said our goodbyes.
When I look back at this event in my life and carry it forward, I realize how much I have changed. I realize this was a test of my commitment to God and not to yield to temptation. Today, I see how God was showing me I can do all things through His strength, but I have to choose.
I believe God strategically arranged the timing of my visit with him. I had recently come to God in deep sorrow for the ways I had hurt Him in my previous life and asked Him to help me live right. I gave my whole heart to God to reshape, reform and renew and as a result I had a deep desire to honor Him. Because of the exciting physical relationship previously shared between the gorgeous guy and me, I could have taken this perfect opportunity to become engaged with him again. Instead, there was something greater in my life and I chose to honor my commitment to God and myself. It rattled me, it put me on a fence, but the victory was won and I overcame through choosing to depend on Christ’s strength.
The difference in these two times was the foundation for my life. I no longer sought my value and worth to be filled through a man. My house was being built on solid rock and I knew my Father in heaven was the only opinion that mattered. Out of my love for Him, it was my wish to bring honor and glory to His name. I am amazed at the way this story happened in my life, more about the way I was shown clearly how God was in the finest details of this entire situation for more than 13 years and I didn’t really see it until after the fact!
What consequences have you suffered by not allowing yourself time to heal before jumping into a new relationship?
Have you seen events that have come full circle in your life where you are able to give God the glory?
I pray for you that you will begin to see the goodness and greatness of God in your life. Ask Him to show you and He will my friend. I am living proof!
How great is our God!
What consequences have you faced from a life choice?
categories: Relationships
This question really hits home for me. When reading through a list of consequences, it was overwhelming for me to think that I had experienced almost all on the list, and other’s unnamed, which tore my life apart prior to my walk with Christ AND I was trying to handle it all, by myself!
I relate to how being a mother is such an important role. Perhaps one of the most important that we have as a woman, and if we can’t trust God with our children’s lives, how can we begin to think we can trust Him with our own and the purposes He has set forth for us.
I have experienced so many painful consequences while living outside of God’s truth that I literally became ill. I lost relationships that were very important to me, I lost my family, I lost jobs, I lost friendships, possessions, my home, had zero money for a future, no job and all of what seemed to make sense to me as important and happy. Some of these things were lost because of sin that I lived in and some of my consequences were the result of others around me that were living in sin, but whatever it all was, and why it was, ended up being so severe to me that I became an agoraphobic, an introvert, and a person that was tossed into the darkness of the pits of hell. I was led to my earthly family for care and love. I was nursed and loved, sought medical attention, turned to God and His love and through all this was able to have a more intimate relationship with God than I ever imagined. God reached His hand out to me and for the first time in my entire life, I was still enough to listen and I heard him coach me to take His hand. When I did, I received the most wonderful blessings in my life. I am not saying that it was all over. I am saying that I had a Lord and Savior who was willing to love me no matter what journey I had taken in life, and because I later chose to walk the journey with Him, He began to heal me of all the sick and ugly pain that filled my life. I still lost my marriage, I lost my home, I lost what I thought made me happy, but like Zechariah, even though the consequences were severe, I definitely learned my lesson and ended up gaining so much more. When I finally stood still to listen and turned to God, He sent His Holy Spirit to live within me, to guide me and convict me. I have never known such a peace in my life, and although I still live with the consequences of my sin, I have been on the most incredible journey of my life since that moment. I know without any doubt, I was forgiven, I was redeemed, I was created anew and I live with a freedom that is unexplainable and my greatest desire is to share with others my story, of hardship without God and victory with God!
The most important step for me in this transformation was completely surrendering my sin, my guilt, my worries, relationships, and my illnesses to God by laying it all at the foot of the cross. I had to completely trust God with the outcome of every aspect of my life and it was only then that I began to heal and understood the truth of what it is to be a follower of Christ.
Isaiah 59:2
But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.
I rejoice in my trials, because without them, I may have never turned toward Him and had this amazing relationship with Him that I now have! The trust and intimacy of my relationship with Him is now the driving force of all my relationships! What about you? Have you thought about laying it all down at the foot of the cross? I am living proof that God will forgive, extend his mercy and grace and redeem you when we choose to turn our face to Him and invite Him to live with us!