Category: Love

ReActing From Emotions

I always look forward to being together with others to share God’s love and truth.  It brings me great joy, encouragement and love. I love to learn about new ways I can grow from others and sharing how God has shown me how to press on even through the muck and mire of the pits.

It can be so hard, even when things seem to be going well, to keep ourselves from reacting out of emotions, anger or hurt. Here are some of the take aways from a group environment I was recently a part of  titled, “Reacting from Emotion”.

Anger is one of the most basic negative emotions. It stems from Fear, one of the two main components we have as humans.  The other and the greatest need of us as beings is LOVE.

  • The emotion of anger tells us something is wrong.
  • The emotion of anger can be a signal to us that we are about to lose something that really matters to us.
  • The emotion of anger could be a way we tend to protect good that we do not want to lose.
  • The emotion of anger is an emotion that was given to us by our Creator.
  • Even God expressed anger, which indicates that it can be a good thing, a form of protection.
  • We need to be careful in our anger that we do not hurt others.

“Do not sin in your anger: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)

This scripture teaches us not to sin in our anger or to let the day end while you are still angry because it will open the door for it to begin to grow and fester, taking root and turning into bitterness.  When I think about sin, I think of it in terms of me doing something to hurt someone else. It helps to remind me to think about everything I say and do beforehand and the impact it may have in another’s life. It isn’t easy to always keep ourselves in check, but it is something that God can provide for us through His Son, Jesus, if we ask Him for that strength.

Denying anger or suppressing it can cause problems to go unresolved. Unresolved anger leads to a critical attitude and words which can create an unforgiving heart (Hebrews 12:15). This is another perfect opportunity for the adversary to come in and consume control of how we respond.

If we take every thought captive, through Christ we are able to turn around any negative or hurtful thought into something more emotionally healthy.  This will eliminate the opportunity for hurt from angry words to begin to brew and grow from mole hills into mountains, soft hearts to be hardened and possibly trying to resolve issues and circumstances in an unloving way. This will prevent hurt to us and others. This preventive measure could be the groundwork for creating love as the foundation of our thinking and responses. Love is kind, gentle, patient, forgiving, humble and faithful.  If we can do this we are being faithful to God based upon His promise to us.

Anger is a by-product, a symptom of something else. It’s good to determine what it is that has caused our anger and take ownership of it. In many cases, anger is caused by circumstances we believe were out of our control. But rather than blaming, taking ownership allows us to look inward and see what needs to be healed in ourselves. If our focus is turned upward with a desire to have purer hearts and be forgiving no matter what someone else has done to us, we will find ourselves growing beyond the control of reacting from emotions.

When going through separation in relationships we sometimes find ourselves losing control of another and anger can be the result in this circumstance. This can lead us to react from emotions which may begin a downward spiral to the pit. Maybe it’s the recognition that we are under the condemning rule of another and our anger is a signal to free us from that entrapment.  In this way anger can be viewed as a form of protection of our hearts.

“Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Christ has asked us to guard our hearts because from the heart is the flow to others. I am thankful that His lavish grace and mercy has freed me from the ways of anger. It is only His unconditional love and acceptance that drew me to want to know more about this Being that was willing to come to the earth to be persecuted, take all my sins, past present and future upon Him and die on a cross.  It is when He completed His role in a full way that God rewarded Him and us with a resurrected life, thereby which Christ now sits at the right hand of the Father at the throne in heaven and we have received the Spirit to reside in us as our guide.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples.” John 13:34-25 (NIV)

Emotions can be powerful, but God has promised us if we will listen and live out His way which was laid out for us, we will overcome through Him!

© Allison M. Horner and Pieces of the Heart, 2005-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material and all photographs without express and written permission from this blog’s author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Allison M. Horner and Pieces of the Heart with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Appearance Isn’t Everything!

How many times have your eyes been drawn to someone because of their outward attractiveness? How many times have you chosen people to be on your team, to be a friend, or to be a spouse based on outward appearance? Have you ever been in a relationship because someone chose you exclusively because of your appearance?
My experience has been both. I have chosen and I have been chosen, based on outward attractiveness and appearance before taking the very necessary time to be known or to know. What about you?
Many of the devastating events that happen in our lives can be at the hand of someone we chose to be a part of our lives. Oftentimes, I have wondered why I skipped the step of taking the time to really know people. I concluded, it was a lack of instruction and knowledge given to me. What I mean to say is that it seemed perfectly normal for me to fall into relationships quickly, with the most handsome man and without taking the time to really know him. I don’t think anyone ever taught me to do this differently, but if they did maybe I already had so many holes in me that I missed it!
In 1 Samuel 16, God gave Samuel the responsibility to choose a new king for Israel-a king to rule over all the people. What a huge responsibility, not only for Samuel, but also for the one chosen to sit on the throne! In God’s instructions to Samuel, He was very clear with him about not selecting a person based on appearance. Saul, a very tall and attractive man, was the king that God was replacing. Since Saul had become consumed more with what people thought of him than his relationship with God, he no longer made a great leader and king, so God had him removed from the throne (I Samuel 15).
Have you ever chosen to be in a relationship exclusively based on appearance and beauty? Has anyone ever chosen you based on those outward masks?
God’s words to Samuel were, “I do not look at the things man looks at, I look at the heart.” Why don’t we look at the hearts of people? Could it be because we are conditioned by our culture? If you have spent any time thumbing through magazines or watching television, you can easily see that our culture encourages and motivates people to believe that outward appearance is more important than anything. It is a market that drives us to think only of ourselves and how much we can accumulate. When we do this all the things constantly distract us, and as a result, we don’t stop to look inside ourselves to explore why we are doing what we do!
If God is looking at our hearts, maybe we should take the time necessary to heal. We could start with asking for forgiveness, receiving forgiveness and moving forward in His “FREE” love. It seems like it makes more sense for us to stop trying so hard to hide all of our imperfections by adding more “stuff”, and understand that God loves us just like we are! His love is free and so is His forgiveness.
I wonder what it would look like if we decided to change our way of thinking and to look at others straight into their hearts before we decide we know someone well enough to become involved in relationships. When we ignore this vital step in choosing people to be a part of our lives, we may lose an opportunity to have a full and healthy relationship. We should strive to be a person of character and not worry about all the other “stuff”. God’s love creates character. Conforming to society’s standard creates more stuff around us!
I am not saying that character is missing in all those with lovely outward appearances and beauty; what I am saying is that it’s crucial to take the time to discover your own heart and the heart of others. Then you will know if “the stuff” is just stuff or a cover-up.
What are you doing to free your heart of all the debris so when others see you they will see a true heart of love? Do you know that a free heart will attract a free heart?
There truly is nothing on this earth more beautiful, more alive and more alluring than a person who loves from a heart that is free to love!

Agape Love

Agape defined simply is selfless love.

Most people believe this kind of love is shared between people outside of those we are in deep relationship with, but the Word teaches it is this type of love which was designed for all mankind by his Creator!

Because I had not known genuine love I became entrapped in the lies of how it is otherwise defined. My hope for us is that we will each be fully embraced by God’s true love and start the journey of looking deep within ourselves. I hope we take the time to cleanse our minds and hearts each day and begin the process of a new way of thinking. It is then we will be able to fully receive the love that is freely offered to each of us.

In this love every aspect of our life will change, we will begin to see the original intent and design of relationship and all it offers. We will begin to crave this love, unable to live without it, and our life will begin to be full of giving and receiving genuine love from God and others!

Happy Anniversary

I have learned so much over these past three years of my new life! I have learned my true value and worth. I have learned that it does not come from men or people at all. Other people come from the same skewed perceptions we come from based on all of their life experiences. I now find my value and worth from a loving, merciful and unending grace-giving God. He loves me as I am, just as I am, yet He loves me enough not to leave me where I am.

Six days ago was the “celebration” of 3 years of being brought home. I returned a broken, lost, desperate and empty person who had no confidence, no self value and no hope who looked to my then-husband and material things to fill the deep chasm which lay inside me. I would ask myself, “What is wrong with me?” Here I was, wealthy beyond any dream, living on the South Sea and I was empty! I had everything one could imagine, yet I had no sense of who I was, and I had no meaningful purpose. Since that day 3 years ago, I have found complete peace. I have had the provision met which was needed in my life and it’s so much more than the eye can see! I have greater joy and purpose – a fulfillment beyond explanation and I’m just thrilled about where I am in the journey of my life, right now, this minute.

God has shown me how special I am to Him and how deeply He loves me. He has brought me out of the depths of the darkness and now His light shines in all the crevices. It has not been a road of easy decisions and although I continue to deal with some of the same circumstances and consequences in my life, I have a new perspective. My days are full of prayer with an attitude of gratitude and recognition of God’s Mighty power in the tiniest of details of my life to the greatest of circumstances in this world.

The very first step in my healing was recognizing our God and His Sovereignty.  He is much greater than me and knows infinitely better the heart I have and direction for my life than I know it myself. The opening up of my heart and saying “Okay God, I’m yours, I cannot do this anymore, I just don’t know how, I surrender! I’m sorry for thinking I could do this all without you! I ask for your forgiveness of my sin and the way that I put others first in my life when it should have been you! I am deeply sorry Lord! Please come into my heart and lead me in all I think, say and do.”

This step was the beginning of my journey of intimacy with God. I can’t wait to share with you through future writings the impact of this one step in my life!

“We can never know who or what we are until we know something of what God is – self-existent.” A. W. Tozer

Heart Tips

What is it we all long for?  Someone to love? Someone to love us back? If that is what we want, why is it we end up in such pain and disappointment after we commit ourselves in relationships? How many times have you said, “I’ll never make that mistake again!”, only to turn around and repeat it? What is the true mystery of love?  Would you like to learn more about how you can love and be in relationship with one another as God designed it to be? Among others, we will explore these subjects on this blog, and we will fill our hearts together and pour them into the lives of others.

© Allison M. Horner and Pieces of the Heart, 2005-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material and all photographs without express and written permission from this blog’s author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Allison M. Horner and Pieces of the Heart with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.