Helping Women Flourish in Life, Relationships, and Dreams
The following is from a message I gave at Across The Bridge in December 2022.
It’s no secret that I’ve matched the woman at the well with my story. For those of you who don’t know my story, I met Jesus at the well after multiple marriages. It’s where He gave me living water and I’ve been running to tell everyone about Him since that time!
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Anytime a soldier goes into battle, you can bet he is going to have his war clothes on. Wouldn’t you? If you are anything like me, you have found yourself going into battle without even knowing what personal war clothes were. If you were to ask me, “Hey Allie, have you got your war clothes on?” I might have looked at you like you were crazy! But today, I know what war clothes are and I learned when you step foot out of your bed, it’s best to have them on. We don’t want to get caught in a battle without them. So what am I saying? Let me tell you a story.
Several years ago I was in the middle of a huge legal battle. A girlfriend of mine wrote some words down on a card for me about a week before I had to be in court and said, “Allie, bury these words in your heart. If you do, you will be prepared for battle.” That sounded perfect to me. I read the words on the card and held them against my heart claiming, “These are my truth today.” I don’t know about you, but court rooms and lawyers used to intimidate me. My exposure with lawyers was extensive, yet I still felt a great fear in their presence. In past experiences I felt belittled, condemned and invalidated.
So on this day, I gathered my files, my portfolio and my index cards with the words that sustained me, my war clothes! I drove to the lawyer’s office, went in and sat in a room alone with my attorney (more…)
I recently received this letter from a woman I know very well. Though her comments are raw, they are real and what many women experience. She has determined to allow a greater strength than herself to be her power. Her life is changing! I asked her permission to post this writing and she agreed for me to share. I believe others will connect with what she has written. You may even have some words of wisdom to share too!
I’m dead to you. As hard as I try, you constantly negate my feelings. When I attempt to share with you how I feel, you get frustrated. You roll your eyes, you shake your head, you tell me I’m being passive-aggressive. You are always telling me that I’m twisting things around. I’ve shared with you before that I’m afraid to talk with you.
Your solution to the problem “if you are afraid to talk to me, then you should just leave.”
You’ve told me before that this is just a failed experiment.
You’ve shared how unhappy you are. You always think I have something against you. You don’t see me as an equal.
As soon as I started to share with you my frustration with being up all night folding clothes, you responded with “oh, god forbid you fold clothes”
Yes, I walked away at that point. I am tired of being spoken to in that way. I will no longer accept the state of our relationship as it stands now. It is unhealthy for us. It is unhealthy for our children. I refuse to allow myself or our children to be subject to this kind of life.
At one point, you went for days without talking to me. You were sick, you didn’t sleep. “All the colors seemed to fade”
Where is that man? Where is the man who was crazy about me?
I am dead to you.
I refuse to be dead to myself or our children. I will do what is necessary to continue to move forward in my life. I will continue to do what is best for my children.
You do not listen to me. You no longer share joy with me. You no longer wish to be a productive player in this game. You tear me down. You diminish my spirit. You always look for the wrong in what I’ve done. You never give positive feedback. It’s always what I’ve done wrong. Your words are like knives … I will no longer allow them to hit me. Your tongue will cause no more wounds to me. I am bigger. I am stronger.
I will not be broken by you.
You will respect me. You will honor me. You will cherish me. You will encourage me. You will support me. You will love me. You will care about me. You will be excited for me. You will make a real effort to be what you need to be in our relationship.
You will no longer use excuses to get out of dealing with hard issues. You will no longer call me names. You will no longer cut me down. You will no longer cuss at me. You will no longer degrade, berate me. You will no longer get away with making me feel crazy. You will no longer allow me to feel diminished.
You will lift me up. You will cherish what I bring to this family. You will back me up. You will be open to learning new things. You will be open to handling things in a better, healthier way. You will be open to facing your fears. You will be open to facing yourself. You will be open to dealing with your own pain. You will allow me to be there with you. You will allow me to step inside.
You will no longer have a wall up. You will no longer take the wind out of my sails. You will no longer beat me down.
You will be selfless and not the opposite. You will be understanding and not the opposite. You will show me that I am important to your life and your world. You will show our children how a husband should treat his wife. You will break free of your abusive patterns. You will make change. You will change. You will let me walk by your side. You will tell me you’re sorry when you know you’ve hurt me.
You will show me that I am not dead to you. You will not be dead. You will rise above yourself and your hurt and your fears. You will be an example to your children and family. You will be the man you should be for your family.
You will no longer believe I am dead. You will see me as light. You will see me as worthy. You will hurt when you see me hurting. You will make me feel better. You will lift me up. You will encourage without abuse. You will encourage without humiliation. You will encourage without inflicting pain.
You will not break me.
© 2011 Anonymous
I will be leaving soon for Haiti. I have read and heard many of the stories of the devastation and unbelievable circumstances I will witness on this journey. Many people think I am brave for leaving the safety of my country and going into one that is in such chaos and turmoil.
I am not brave; I am confident. I am not restless; I am at peace. I am not fearful; I am courageous. I am not doubtful; I am trusting. However, I need to make it abundantly clear that all of my confidence, peace, courage and trust are from our God.
About three years ago I had a friend go on her first-ever mission trip to Africa. She was very afraid, but when she arrived there she no longer thought about herself and all of her fears. She began to embrace the beauty of the people and the hearts of those who were so thirsty for love. She has been on several mission trips since that time and shares with me that there is nothing more rewarding and fulfilling than seeing the love of God in the children’s eyes.
I look forward to fulfilling a dream that I’ve had since I was a young girl. When I was about 11 or 12 years old I would watch Sally Struthers as she stood in the slums of other countries and advocated for “Feed the Children.” Oh, how my heart desired to send money to the aid of those children. I was delighted when I had the honor of being chosen to represent our congregation when I was about 14 years old as an exchange student on mission in Mexico. It was an incredible trip and one I will never forget. But all those memories and desires got lost somewhere deep inside as I grew older and took my life into my own hands.
Suddenly over the past few years, the yearning has returned. I thought I was headed to Africa, which didn’t happen, and then I thought I would be traveling to Turkey this past September, but that didn’t work out either. There was discussion of another trip to Africa with a group of my friends, but it didn’t come together for me. Now, here I am, headed to Haiti, and I couldn’t feel more honored to make this mission. I didn’t know it would turn out this way; that I would be journeying to the most impoverished country in the Western Hemisphere. I didn’t know that immediately after I purchased my airline ticket, there would be an outbreak of cholera that would be slowly moving toward the capital city where I will be traveling. Here is the amazing and wonderful thing about it, I am at peace. I am at peace knowing God is with me. I walk in His love; I thirst to walk with Him into the places and lives to which He leads me. James 1:27 shares with us that “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” The Bible shows us that orphans and widows hold one of the most precious and softest spots of the Lord’s heart. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve God in this mission. I am thankful that I get to be a vessel of His love and light in a country that has all but lost its hope. I know God doesn’t need me to accomplish what He wants. I know nothing is too hard for Him; but I know too, how much He loves for His children to come together to share His incredible love with the world.
I could not be making this journey if I did not believe that God is who He says He is, He can do what He says He can do, I am who God says I am, I can do all things through Christ’s strength and God’s Word lives in me! Five years ago, I would have said you were absolutely insane if you told me I would be making this trip. I couldn’t even walk out of my flat in Australia for all my fears at that time! Today, I am alive and nothing matters about what I do except to bring Him glory and honor by living for Him out of His strength. This is how God’s love has changed my life. It may not be the same for you; we are each uniquely designed and a masterpiece in the eyes of our God to be used for His glory!
Perhaps your mission field is your neighborhood, your community, your school or your work. Have you traveled to a foreign country for missions? What about another state? What is it that pulls your heartstrings and creates a desire for you to share God’s love with others? Is it through mission trips or daily missions in your life? Where ever it is, trust that God is with you every step of the way and will clear the obstacles for His will.
“Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.” Mark 16:15 (NIV)
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV)