How many times have your eyes been drawn to someone because of their outward attractiveness? How many times have you chosen people to be on your team, to be a friend, or to be a spouse based on outward appearance? Have you ever been in a relationship because someone chose you exclusively because of your appearance?
My experience has been both. I have chosen and I have been chosen, based on outward attractiveness and appearance before taking the very necessary time to be known or to know. What about you?
Many of the devastating events that happen in our lives can be at the hand of someone we chose to be a part of our lives. Oftentimes, I have wondered why I skipped the step of taking the time to really know people. I concluded, it was a lack of instruction and knowledge given to me. What I mean to say is that it seemed perfectly normal for me to fall into relationships quickly, with the most handsome man and without taking the time to really know him. I don’t think anyone ever taught me to do this differently, but if they did maybe I already had so many holes in me that I missed it!
In 1 Samuel 16, God gave Samuel the responsibility to choose a new king for Israel-a king to rule over all the people. What a huge responsibility, not only for Samuel, but also for the one chosen to sit on the throne! In God’s instructions to Samuel, He was very clear with him about not selecting a person based on appearance. Saul, a very tall and attractive man, was the king that God was replacing. Since Saul had become consumed more with what people thought of him than his relationship with God, he no longer made a great leader and king, so God had him removed from the throne (I Samuel 15).
Have you ever chosen to be in a relationship exclusively based on appearance and beauty? Has anyone ever chosen you based on those outward masks?
God’s words to Samuel were, “I do not look at the things man looks at, I look at the heart.” Why don’t we look at the hearts of people? Could it be because we are conditioned by our culture? If you have spent any time thumbing through magazines or watching television, you can easily see that our culture encourages and motivates people to believe that outward appearance is more important than anything. It is a market that drives us to think only of ourselves and how much we can accumulate. When we do this all the things constantly distract us, and as a result, we don’t stop to look inside ourselves to explore why we are doing what we do!
If God is looking at our hearts, maybe we should take the time necessary to heal. We could start with asking for forgiveness, receiving forgiveness and moving forward in His “FREE” love. It seems like it makes more sense for us to stop trying so hard to hide all of our imperfections by adding more “stuff”, and understand that God loves us just like we are! His love is free and so is His forgiveness.
I wonder what it would look like if we decided to change our way of thinking and to look at others straight into their hearts before we decide we know someone well enough to become involved in relationships. When we ignore this vital step in choosing people to be a part of our lives, we may lose an opportunity to have a full and healthy relationship. We should strive to be a person of character and not worry about all the other “stuff”. God’s love creates character. Conforming to society’s standard creates more stuff around us!
I am not saying that character is missing in all those with lovely outward appearances and beauty; what I am saying is that it’s crucial to take the time to discover your own heart and the heart of others. Then you will know if “the stuff” is just stuff or a cover-up.
What are you doing to free your heart of all the debris so when others see you they will see a true heart of love? Do you know that a free heart will attract a free heart?
There truly is nothing on this earth more beautiful, more alive and more alluring than a person who loves from a heart that is free to love!